Everyone has their best guess estimate of what 2008 will bring. Rather than be left with hollow “I told you so’s”, I have put together what may or may not happen in the coming 12 months.
- January – A new year brings more bad news from the financial sector. Losses are mounting and there is no agency on a white horse riding in to save them. A liquidity problem becomes much larger. The result is felt throughout the economy. In an effort to generate the economy, the fed again cuts the rate another half point. Christmas sales fall short of expectations and net sales are far from targets. Layoffs loom. The delayed impact of the increased cost for a barrel of oil finally hits home and consumer costs begin to rise again.
- February – Faced with inflationary problems and a stagnant economy, George Bush announces the formation of a new advisory panel to be headed by Mike Brown. FEMA completes the 100% evacuation of all the displaced New Orleans residents from trailors and auctions the empty trailers off on E Bay at about 10% of the value. Unrest in Pakistan continues and Bush calls on the United Nations to step in and supervise elections. His request is ignored. The fed holds the rate with indications that rates may have to go up to stem inflation. My personal world is rocked by a mysterious person. My life will never be the same. Well, pizza is still on the menu.
- March – Late winter storms paralyze much of the country. Bush proclaims storms are a message from God that Global Warming is only occuring in select pockets around the world. NAR proclaims it is the beginning of the Spring market. They introduce a new campaign encouraging buyers with the thought that the purchase of a new home is a smarter investment than using tax dollars to fight the war in Iraq. Scientists in India announce a new neurotransmitter device that allows people to blog and read blogs by thinking. Lenn Harley overwhelms new users and is simultaneously elected Govenor of Maryland, Virginia and Florida.
- April – Tiger Woods wins the Masters. Phil Michelson replaces Snoopy as the mascot for the Goodyear blimp. The Feds reacting to massive layoffs in the retail sector raise the rate one point. All 12,000,000 illegal immigrants return to their native country. The American economy is devasted. New home construction comes to a standstill. Roadsides are littered with empty taxicabs. Restaurants are overwhelmed with dirty dishes. Hotel beds everywhere are unmade. Trash is piled at curbs. Bush announces a plan to have Mexico become the 51st state. Mexicans announce they will not join the union but they will take Texas, a portion of Southern California and a bit of New Mexico back and allow the citizens of those areas to remain on guest worker visa’s.
- May – The NAR points to the sale of two homes in NW Washington DC at asking price as evidence that the housing slump is over. Lawrence Yun is hired away from the NAR by the Bush Administration and becomes the new Press Secretary. Yun immediately announces that the war in Iraq never occured and that the police action that has been ongoing is a success. The NAR retaliates by hiring Bagdad Bob to replace Yun.
- June – The fed raises interest rates again. Gas prices rise to $4 per gallon. Congress demands that the auto industry develop fuel efficient vehicles. Prices for perishable goods increase while farmers petition the government for assistance in getting products to market in a cost effective manner. Heat waves across the country cause rolling brownouts.
- July – The nation is rocked by pockets of a mysterious life threatening illnesse that is resistant to known antibiotics. The center for disease control releases guidelines for reporting occurences and how the public can best deal with the pandemic. The Bush administration rolls out stock video of the duct tape and plastic wrap defense originally recommended for dealing with terrorist attacks. The fed raises interest rates again as the stock market continues a downward spiral. China announces price increases on all imports and Walmart becomes another upper class store.
- August – The surgeon general releases a report that indicates that the wearing of socks and underwear is not necessary. China announces that it will pad the great wall with the surplus of socks and underwear that is no longer being sent to Walmart. The NAR announces that the summer selling season is in full swing. Lenders announce a new mortage product called the Magic Century. The loan is amortized over 100 years with a balloon payment at the end of 25 years. No doc loans are reintroduced with the provision that 25% cash equity is required.
- September – Macintosh purchases several hospital systems. Mac announces a new phone which is an implant. It is cross marketed in their new hospitals. Carbohydrates are declared unsafe for consumption. School systems across the country announce that in the future students will be carted into one room and the teachers will rotate. Home schooling becomes more popular as parents realize that their children are too fat to take to school.
- October – Major league baseball announces that steroid useage will be required beginning in the 2009 season. All other major sports leagues release statements that they will follow suit. The NAR announces that the summer selling season was a success citing figures that indicate some homes sold. Bush declares that the constitution has no validity regarding presidential terms and announces that there will be no elections. This is described as an energy saving move. His press secretary goes on to explain that there have been reports of terrorist plots to interrupt our election process so the president has signed an executive order declaring himself president until such time as he determines that the threat has passed. Dennis Kucinich is rushed to the hospital after holding his breath in protest.
- November – Interest rates for mortgages rise to 8%. Lenders announce the new Century Plus plan. Your home loan is amortized over 125 years with a balloon at the end of 30 years. A loop hole in reverse mortagages allows lenders the right to foreclose and thousands of baby boomers face homelessness. A late season hurricane pinwheels it’s way up the east coast before hitting Manhattan with 150mph winds. Pat Robertson declares it is a message from God that New York is laden with evil non-christians. The Bush administration reveals that it has secret information that the Pope is funding terrorist activity throughout the world. Priests are blamed for causing emotional damage to young boys. Monsiegnors in parishes across the country are blamed for always winning the new car at the holiday white elephant sales. Bush announces that we will invade Rome. Pundits allow that Bush will seek a victory where he can find one.
- December – Christmas is in peril. Walmart remains the only retail outlet. All other vendors have moved to an online presence. Shipping cost are not easy to figure out. New rules allow that shipping will be $1 per ounce in addition to an amount equal to the amount purchased and 10 cents per mile from the shipper to your door. The year comes to an end with interest rates at 8%, gas prices at $4.25 per gallon, brownouts on a sequential time table throughout the country. The NAR announces the worst is behind us and that 2009 will be a better year as the market bounces back.
And then again, maybe this is just the result of the ajida one suffers after a good bowl of Jambalya.